It is indeed interesting to note that the Chinese in general possess a high degree of fidelity towards parents. It is a duty of importance and failure to do so has implication in this life and in the hereafter.
The Qur’an too reflects this theme of honouring one’s parents. It dates back to the Jews and is an integral part of Islamic life. Allah has revealed in Surah Baqarah verse 84: “And remember the time when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel saying ´You shall worship none but Allah and be kind to parents…”
The Qur’an also states: “It is prescribed for you, when death comes to any one of you, if he leaves much wealth, that he make a will to parents and near relatives to act with fairness. This is an obligation on those who fear Allah.”
In Surah Bani Israel verse 24 we come across a significant verse which states: “Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you show kindness to parents. If one or both of them attain old age, never say to them as much as ugh nor reproach them, but always address them with kindly speech.”
These are just a few verses from the Qur’an which deal with homage towards one’s parents. So significant are they that Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. is reported to have said that not Allah prohibited the worshipping of parents, he would have made it obligatory.
The Chinese in general consider it an obligation and responsibility to honour and to look after their parents. Islam too views this duty and responsibility to a great extent. It is also reported that paradise is the footstool of one’s mother, and when answering as to who was first, whether it was one’s father or mother, the Prophet s.a.w. replied twice – ‘your mother’, before he said ‘your father’.
On the basis of what has been uttered, we can say that one’s well-being centres to a great extent on one’s treatment towards one’s parents. In days gone by, it was a form of reverence or veneration, but today, many neglect this duty which Allah has made obligatory.
One of the prime factors resulting in this decline can be attributed to the values we instil in our children. Often one can come across children misbehaving rudely towards their parents. Instead of correcting such behaviour, many parents will undertake the pacification approach, often trying to please their children by giving in to their tantrums and demands. The argument is that they are too young to know. Some think that if they are harsh, their children might run away or become rebellious.
Both these approaches are wrong because a child that can’t recognise the truth and get away with its actions is recipe of disaster in the future. A child need to be corrected when it is wrong and rewarded when it is right. It needs to be educated on what is right and what is wrong. And it needs to be punished for its own good. Only in this manner will a child grow up to be responsible. Only in this manner will it be able to appreciate and respect others.
Today, most children think of themselves only. They are pampered and spoilt and as a result of this, they only possess a single approach to life which centres on their needs and demands. Religion if at all it exist, it does so on a formal ritualistic basis, where the obligation to pray, fast or comply with this or that, is a formality without substance or meaning. Our failure to instil righteous character and righteous conduct through Islam’s moral system has led to the presence decadence amongst Muslim youth today.
It is certainly a very important requirement in Islam to be kind and dutiful towards ones parents. This does not mean that one cannot also live ones own life. We have to strike a balance. Of course, we should desire to take care of our parents too as they did for us.
Any hardship that one faces in this way, if it is to please Allah, then that person should take satisfaction and comfort in the fact that Allah will certainly reward him abundantly. Allah has revealed in the Qur’an that "anyone who has done an atoms weight of good, shall witness its reward." Taking care of ones Parents and serving them in the way of Allah is surely worth a lot more than an atoms weight on the Day of Judgment. However, there is a need to understand that Islam does not require blind obedience to parents. There are bound to be moments of disagreement, but respect and honour must prevail at all times.
Even if parents divorce and remarry, children should never take sides because both parents belong to them and they are required by Allah to show them respect even though one of them may be right or wrong.
When it comes to serving one’s parents, one who is married cannot place his parents or her parents first before his own family. A balance has to be struck. This is because priorities have changed. There are now new responsibilities that need to be tackled, so one needs to act sensibly and respectfully towards one’s parents, always trying to help them in some small way out of gratitude.
There are exceptions to the rule of obeying ones parents, for instance, if they were to order you to undertake that which is prohibited by Allah, then there is no obligations to do so. If they demand that you should marry a person of their choice, this too is not an obligation that has to be obeyed if you feel that it does not suit you. And if they do not like the person of your choice, well you can reason with them politely, and still go ahead with your marriage, and should your parents cut off relations with you or the person you have married, don’t take it to heart. Be good and leave the matter to Allah, for Allah knows best.
We don´t know how long our Parents are going to be with us and so we should try to treasure every moment we have with them. The Qur´an says: "Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him.
Treat your parents with great consideration; if either or both of them live with you in their old age, do not say even "ah" to them; nor rebuke them, but speak kind words to them; treat them with humility and tenderness and pray: "Lord, be merciful to them just as they brought me up with kindness and affection. Your Lord best knows what is in your minds. If you live righteously, He surely forgives and turns towards all such people as are penitent and obedient." – Surah Isra´ verse 23-25.
Finally, it has to be realised that everyone finally ends up a parents to have children, and therefore needs to avoid be treated badly in return as a form of punishment from Allah Almighty. [Adam Abdullah] |
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