"Muhasabah" or "Self-Examination" is a requirement found in the Qur´an before it is undertaken upon us. "Muraqabah" or "Contemplate" is another requirement also mentioned in the Qur´an. Both these are inter-related because it deals with creation, Allah´s existence, our relationship with Him, our purpose in life, our actions and final destination.
Undertaking this is an integral part of life because it helps to stabalise things, calm our actions, help us realise and appreciate the reality of existence, and the consequences that await us if we allow ourselves to be dictated by our carnal selves (nafs).
This is something which we should undertake everyday or at least once a week because none of us are perfect or free from sins. Yasin, the singer, had these fine words to utter in his song. The words were addressed to Allah:
"Am I going to be received?
Or are You going to leave me just like that?...
Just... because... of my sins...
Do not let me be despised...
I plead with You."
If you reflect upon these words, do we all not fall into this category? Think again and again if you think that you are above it. Repent, seek Allah´s forgiveness, and try to improve. At times, we are totally devoid of reason. We think of ourselves, our rights etc, and end up greedy, selfish, intolerant....
Let me tell me tell you a story of a man who is married to two wives. It’s a common story but seldom viewed in this perspective. A man being a man as the Qur´an points out, can have four wives (today, there are conditions). However, most men end up with two wives. Whatever the reasons, this is best left to Allah. What is important here is the ´responsibility of fulfilling duties and obligations´.
I can understand the feelings of a woman who has to share her husband with another man. I am sure Allah does to. Allah´s reasons for permitting additional marriages are based on humanitarian grounds, the avoidance of illicit sex and a host of other social ills, often committed by men. As for the women, it is indeed a great sacrifice on their part, to have to put up with such a relationship. There is tremendous amount of pain, sadness, disappointment, which transforms itself into anger and hatred, followed by accusations.
All these scenarios are not new to us. Whether who is right or wrong is just secondary. The truth centres on one´s submission to Allah, the acceptance of circumstances, evaluation, assessment, and compromise. What´s done cannot be undone. Even if you were the best wife on earth, there is no guarantee that such will not befall you.
Most women don´t look at it this way. The first wife despises the second wife through her lifetime. Her children accuse the second wife of so many evil things. Everyone in their own way feels they are right, and yet, we are all going to die one day...and when we die, just what is going to happen to us? Are we going to come before Allah with the same behaviour?
The second wife too has her own grouses. He does not spend enough time with her, even though he has provided her with all her needs and comforts. This tug-of-war is endless. It deals with possession of one who belongs to two; it deals with wealth and property; it deals with who must go and who must remain!
Did any of these wives take a moment of to reflect and ponder upon the goodness that they enjoy as a result of this man who has undertaken this burden which Allah has placed upon him? The answer is ´NO!´
With the passage of time events take their toll on the man. He is plagued with illness. This creates more dissatisfaction because human satisfaction is always in high demand sexually. The lack of performance is not related to illness but often viewed as ´having interest´ in the younger wife only. What rubbish!
The man is now in a critical stage. It may be his last stage, or Allah, may out of His Mercy bring him back to life. But do you think they (wives and family) with be grateful? I doubt it. Accusations are already present and these will only continue. So what is his choice? Only Allah knows what is in his heart. Believe me, he is pleading with Allah....he is concerned as to what will happen to his families...but what are they thinking? They are now thinking: "O my God! How am I going to manage when he´s gone..."
May Allah have mercy on us human beings. We are indeed a wretched lot; greedy, selfish... May Allah bless this man (husband), because he did his very best to fulfil his undertaking as a husband, responsible to two wives. May Allah bless him and raise his station. May Allah forgive him. May Allah forgive you, if you are too blind to grasp the point of servitude and submission to Allah, who will reward you for every patient suffering that you have borne, for the Qur´an clearly says that not a single grain (atom´s weight) will go unnoticed (be rewarded or punished). [Anak Adam]
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